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I have run across a bit of a quandary for myself I think.  My husband, daughter and I have put together a class just for us where we can work through courses, sequences and problems with our own dogs.  It is our private support group in ways to assure we are getting all the work on our own dogs that we need to keep up with everything that is out there.  We made a promise to each other to only support and not criticize and to only help not hinder.  Each week we bring something new to the class by way of challenges, or questions or something we want to try.

Last night we each worked on our own personal training issues.  Mine was the dogwalk with Ice.  I have been working this problem for almost 7 years now.  It is the only thing keeping Ice and I from agility greatness but it is all three contacts and sometimes the table.  I bring this up because last night  my daughter was helping me work out the dogwalk and I hit a wall.  I realized that I no longer carried the “hope” that I needed to work through the problem.  I no longer feel that I can fix it and further feel an unwillingness to give it any more time.  The plan was to retrain his contacts while I was recoupping so that we would be good to go when I came back.  This however, has not happened.  Not due to not trying, but due to a continuation of my failure to find the answer.  One answer keeps hitting me in the face – teach a stop.  But I just am unwilling to give up.  I need to give up on the idea of running it to get a solid answer.  I cant bring myself to do it.  I am so sad by this.

I now look at Sin and his running contacts and I see that my heart is not holding out hope there either.  If you do not believe in your training it will not work.  But what if you have believed in your training for so very long but at every  turn you do not know if you are on the right track or not. It is never easy to figure out how long you stick with a method before you realize it is not working and try another.  I have tried so many and stuck with them for what I felt was a longer enough time to see progress.  Now I no longer know.

My daughter feels that I need to push forward or change my direction.  She is right.  I know she is right.  I further know that I cannot get it done if I do not hold the hope of accomplishing it.  I just feel that I have been through every training thought, idea and attempt and no longer hold any feeling that I can actually get it done.  I have not yet been able to accept the Ice and I will never complete our agility climb, that is why I keep trying.  It will be a shame to never see it play out.  To never reach the top of the mountain would be a sad realization but he will be 8 when I return to agility and I just don’t know how much more we have left.

I have to go both feet in or both feet out with all my dogs, but sometimes the heart just doens’t feel strong enough to go on with it.  I will have to do some soul searching on this one .   As far as I have come with all my new enlightenment, I still have so far to go.



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